The no guest birthday

Angela Warren

22 May 2025 • 4 min read

There might be a year when a birthday party looks like it won't happen. Not because you forgot or because no one cared. Maybe because someone was sick. Or the money wasn’t there. Or you didn't want to invite everyone who might have wanted to come and you didn't know how to tell them and so you just didn't invite anyone. Or maybe you just couldn’t bear to plan it.

This is your nudge (and my nudge to my future self) not to give up on the birthday. The celebration still matters even if its softer, smaller or more private.

So, here it is, a plan for a birthday for one. Or two. Or for whoever is already in the house.

✳ Set the scene

Not because it has to feel like a party. But because it helps to mark the day.

A doorway banner. Streamers down the hallway. Fairy lights around the breakfast table.
Balloons on the ceiling or stuck to the wall. One cake candle in a muffin. Or a piece of fruit.
A song. Even if it’s off-key and whispered and no one claps at the end.

You don’t need to pretend it’s full. Or full of joy. You just need to make it different from the day before.

✳ Make a program (a simple one)

Some birthdays feel too long. Having a loose rhythm helps.

Morning: make-your-own breakfast bar (toppings out, toast or pancakes optional)
Midday: a special show—something old, something nostalgic, something silly (some ideas below)
Afternoon: one quiet activity that’s a bit unusual (a blindfold tasting game, a treasure hunt for one, a backwards walk around the block)
Evening: favourite meal, ideally eaten somewhere odd (on a picnic rug in the hallway, under the bed with torches, on a blanket in the boot of the car staring at the sky)

Remember, it doesn’t have to be full. It just has to be yours. (Or theirs, if you're arranging this for someone else.)

✳ The gift situation

Some people will say: “Oh good, at least you don’t have to deal with all the presents.” But if it’s a kid (or if it’s you), not getting presents can feel like not being known.

So:

Wrap a few small things. Individually. Even if it’s just favourite snacks or a “coupon” for picking the music in the car for a week.
Or go bigger with a themed gift bundle (think: “The Explorer Kit,” “The Super-Snuggler,” “The Dinosaur Dig”). More ideas about this below.
Add a note with each gift to underline the act of giving. “This reminded me of ...” “I bought this because ...”

A present can be proof of presence, even if it’s just you doing the giving.

✳ The missing part

Here’s the hardest part. If the birthday is quiet when it wasn’t meant to be, there might be grief.
And if the birthday is quiet on purpose, that doesn’t mean there’s no ache.

So somewhere in the day:

Write a letter to the people who didn’t come (even if you never send it)
Make a “guests who couldn’t come” list and turn it into a guessing game (What would Nana have brought? What would Alex have said about the cake?)
Or light a candle for what hurts, name it softly, and blow it out.

✳ Themed gift bundle ideas

They might be small but they are mighty. Because they're thoughtful and an invitation to play, connect, or relax.

The Explorer Kit: magnifying glass, notebook, tiny torch, handmade map
The Super-Snuggler: new socks, favourite snack, soft thing to cuddle
The Dinosaur Dig: toy fossils, brush, homemade excavation site (sand or even scraps of paper or beads to dig through + tray)
The Night Owl: glow ticks, audio story playlist, a 'let's build a blanket cubby' coupon

✳ A special show

A few hours of screen-supported comfort. The links below should help to find somewhere to watch these, especially if you're in Australia. Age categories are just guides. Many have cross generational appeal.

Toddlers & Preschoolers (Ages 2–5)

Gentle, familiar, and wonder-filled.

Bluey (ABC iView)
You're probably already familar with it. My personal favourite episode: Season 2, Ep 26 "Sleepytime". Roy's current favourite: Season 1, Ep 2 "Hospital". Other favourites in our house are "Cricket" and that one where they go to the stream instead of staying at the park. Oh, and the one about drawing horses. That one always makes me cry.
Trash Truck (Netflix)
Puffin Rock (Netflix)
Tumble Leaf (Amazon Prime)
The Snowman (YouTube/Vimeo)
Originally aired on Channel 4 in the UK in 1982. There are a few recordings available online, e.g. at time of writing: https://vimeo.com/245260251. Some have the David Bowie introduction and some don't. Without the introduction this is purely pictures and sound. Very Christmassy. But who says you can't get a bit Christmassy on a birthday. It's warm and special feeling.
The Snail and the Whale (ABC iView)

Primary Kids (Ages 6–9)

Imaginative, kind, with just a touch of rebellion.

Tweens (Ages 10–13)

Stories with emotion, agency, and a few good side quests.

Teens & Grown-Ups

Quiet but not small. Honest but not bitter. Plus a fun caper or two.